So there's this one obese young woman (age: 23) who lives in my dorm building. She keeps knocking on people's rooms and entering uninvited. My group of friends are very polite, so they don't say anything even though they don't want to invite her. But if we get together to watch a movie, she'll knock on the door and see the movie playing, then sit down with us and dig her hand into our popcorn.
This is what I don't like about her:
-She repeatedly asked out my roommate's boyfriend while knowing he was dating my roommate. (He straight-up told my roommate that he thought she was creepy because she would constantly ask him out)
-She makes up stores (she told my roommate her first boyfriend didn't care about her and dumped her after she gave him her virginity, she told another friend that her first boyfriend was madly in love with her, died suddenly in a car accident, but wrote a letter to her declaring that he was in love with her. She'll say she's participated in threesomes and other sexual activities, but if you ask her for the details she'll backtrack and change stories)
-She's not funny or silly, or contributes anything interesting to conversations, she's just...there.
-She'll hit on anyone male around her, to the point she makes them uncomfortable. We have a guy friend who hangs out with us girls and jokingly makes fake advances towards us, but he never does so towards her because she's even followed him into his room without being invited.
And honestly, I sometimes feel physically repulsed by her because she dresses like a slob, is obese with short hair, and speaks with a nasally voice. I feel uncomfortable just being around her, it's like her very presence kills the mood.
We don't take the initiative to invite her to something, but she'll call/knock on doors to ask what we're doing and ask "Can I come?" and then we end up letting out a "sure" and then she's with us.
My group of friends complain about her when she's not around but they'll nice to her in person, whereas I distance myself from her in person as much as I can while still not making it obvious: if we sit down at a table I'll sit at least 2 seats away from her, if we're walking in a group I'll put someone else between me and her, etc.
I sometimes tell myself I should be nicer to her, but then she does something else that makes me rage inside. I tell myself that maybe she had been abused as a child or bullied or something and that's what makes her so unpleasant to be around and therefore should be understanding, but then she does something else that makes me rage inside. I already look like the bad person despite not saying anything, because I often avoid eye contact with her. No one else seems to notice, but I know I'm doing it.
What should I be doing? My friends can be nice to her in person and then complain about her behind her back, I can't because I can't make myself pretend I like someone when I really don't.|||Maybe shes lonely and is looking for companionship. Maybe she doesnt know how to interact "like society deems appropriate".... Because she is fat and stinky, it makes her not a good person? Usuually we judge on looks, thats fine, everyone does no matter what they say. Ever try to just get her story. Her real story and see whats up. If she does something thats not cool with you, maybe say to her hey i dont appreciate that, or i dont think u should do that. She obviously has no friends so why be the bully that pushes her out. Embrace her, befriend her, find something that u can relate to her with and stop judging her because YOU dont like what she does. Your friends all sound stuck up. Accept her for who she is and move on.|||I would suggest you study the art of feedback the way counselors do. The purpose of feedback is to be helpful. Tell her some of the things people are saying behind her back in a very neutral way, and explain that you are not trying to hurt her feelings, but you feel the folk saying those things are talking to the wrong person.
For your own understanding, this person is most likely an outcast at her high school who is trying too hard to get people to like her, well not even like, just accept. Of course she feels she must go to great lengths to impress others, and she is doing it all wrong, driven by her own sense of need to vacate honesty. As with most outcasts, she has close to zero social skills, including politeness. Her major flaw is neediness and cluelessness.|||No you are not being a bad person. You have come across a person that just doesn't appeal to you. Take her aside, maybe a coffee sit down and tell her that you don't appreciate her behavior. Don't lie to her but you don't have to say all the things that offend you. Just let her know that you have ground rules and the most important one is that she not barge into your dorm room and two that she not lie to you. If you say that maybe she will see that you see through her lies and that you don't appreciate being lied to. She's probably very lonely and only does this for attention that she is not getting elsewhere. With these rules in place maybe she won't come by, but if she does and does the barging in thing again just politely ask her to leave as it is not acceptable.|||Well maybe she's friends with one of your friends and doesn't know how to interact very well.
She could have autism or something.
Be nicer to her and tell her she should come only when she's invited and that youll invite her more often if she wants.|||Call her out on her actions. Even if you pity someone, if they are just naturally an annoying prick, you have to let them know this. Do it subtly though, don't just say "Hey, you're a prick" Whenever she does somethign annoying like knock on your door and interrupt what your doing say "Who invited you?" or "I'm sure someone else doesn't have plans, go find them please" Something that get's the message across but doesn't make you sound too cold. After all she wasnt invited but if you just submit to her effort's then she think's she can get away with it. If somebody stuck thier hand into my popcorn, especially without asking, they'd be leaving immediately...with a boot print in thier @$$. She sounds socially backward and that's probably why she doesn't show respect or have manner's because she's not used to having friends. As for her wanting to date someone who is taken, that is pretty much the girl with the boyfriend's invitation to tell her ***** off right then and there.....And you can help by again, calling her out on it! "Hey, wtf, that's her boyfriend....who does that!?" Just make her actions sound dispicable and if she has any logic in her brain she should feel some shame or discontent and not want to be around you guys anymore...Speak the truth, but be subtle. Iv'e encountered people like that, and 9 times out of 10 they are just obvious pricks who need to be told where to go, but it does suck when they are sad people who don't know how to be good company and you feel kinda guilty....that will pass though. Do what needs to be done, you are not in the wrong. Good luck!|||Here's the thing.I understand she is obeise! More than likely she dosent have friends bc of that situation.Which is very sad.I understand she isvery rude and it sounds like i would not want to hang out iwth her either.The best thing to do would beto write her a letter and tell her how you feel.Do not be rude but express your opinions in a kind way...Maybe she did have a bad home life.It sounds like she just wants to be involved and wants a true friend.Tell her how you feel and ask her if she want you to be her friend? tell her she dosent have to tell false stories etc.Maybe that is all she needs is YOU! I know your prob like whatever! But its true...I understand being and feeling uncomfortable beside her but maybe she cant afford nice clothes maybe she has an obesity problem NO ONE CAN FISK! Just maybe...she likes short hair...Anyways if she is happy that way SO BE IT....
Blessings
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment