I feel my girlfriend has a big complaining problem and it's steering the relationship towards off a cliff. She complains about small things and big things. What I'm okay with are big things like family issues, school, etc. because I understand the people or environment around her is/have/will do damage to her internally and externally as a person, so I'm all for her and will help her walk with her complaints and always give her the best solution I can give.
What really hurts the relationship are the small things to me, big things to her. Things like I don't want to go to this place or that place because you already went there and it's not the same because it was supposed to be our first time together (when really a friend brought me to the place because I didn't know how to go there and was really for her and me to really go).
Obviously there have been many instances where complaining has been a problem. The above example is the most recent and has effected plans for her birthday because it was the place we were going to go, but her complaining has quickly changed the mood.
I've told her it's not good to complain about things that effect the decisions I make that makes me limit my actions just so I don't have to deal with her complaining. Things like not picking up a call or answering a text quickly. She jumps to conclusions and doesn't really think about possible reasons for her to adjust to. What upsets me more is when I tell her why I didn't pick up or text and it's really obvious that she is bothered by it. When I finally get in contact with her, only now do I say something like "before I tell you what happened can you PLEASE not show that you're bothered by something" but still it's too obvious. It's really affecting my decisions and things I want to do. I don't talk to a lot of friends anymore or go places just on my own without her feeling worried or not trusting me. The only reason all those things have decreased overtime is because I've tried doing things normally and more often than not, I get the same response over and over and over again, the complaints, worries, being bothered, etc., to the point where, I'll just lessen what I'm doing to make things easy for her hoping one day she will realize what she's doing is not healthy.
But then this last problem struck me in the head. Am I the bigger complainer for complaining (a lot now) about her complaining?
I told her if her bad complaining continues, I'm out if the relationship. I truly understand that change takes time, and I'm trying to be as patient as possible (almost 3 years of it) but I feel like she's putting me on the spot because I told her yeah I believe in you that this will get better but what I haven't told her is that the waiting game isn't played the same by everyone. Some play the game and cheat, some will stop playing all together. I'm not going to cheat on her, I'll just stop playing the game.
My question is the same as above, am I now the bigger complainer for complaining about her complaing everytime she wrongly complains?
Also advice on our relationship. I really feel like I can bear the clock ticking..|||This negative attitute to so many things is just part of her personality. You cannot change people. Which means, if yuo don't like this, there is only one solution...|||It's all about "listening" to the woman and "understanding" the woman. Find a way to sympathize and bring out the positive without saying she shouldn't be upset. Arguing with her because she's upset and you don't want to hear it is steering it in the wrong direction.|||Why don't you read the book 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus' by John Gray. Maybe you will be able to understand your girlfriend better.
Be kind to her. She may have emotional issues and she needs you. Try to talk to her gently and work it out. Good Luck.|||Most women complain get used to it|||I agree with above ^^.
explain to her, how you feel first and give her a chance to change things, if not sadly there is probably one solution x|||Pick up a cheap ball-gag or a muzzle.|||Be very affectionate and attentive to her and you will find that all this behavior will stop. It is stemming from her own insecurities about your relationship. Have the two of you ever broken up before?
Lots of attentiveness, affection, gentleness and attentive s*x too, may I add. Make her satisifed in that department and she;ll be a lot calmer.|||She needs to grow up. I would tell her that if you can't be yourself without explaining your every move that the relationship just isn't going to work. That is why we date to find out if we can learn to live with the actions of our bf/gf. If this would be something that you couldn't live with your whole life then get out. She might change for a short time, but I doubt it would continue. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself. If you don't answer a call that is because you are busy, texting isn't something that you can do automatically, especially when driving. This has been going on for years and you have given it enough time to resolve its self, Time to go your separate way.|||So you have children with this lady, and are you married? If no to either of these questions, then it sounds much easier to make a fresh start...as a woman myself, I couldn't handle all that complaining...it sounds like she really needs to go to counselling to sort out her personal issues as It sounds like it's just coming out in complaining and you're not the issue here. If you have no children with this lady and not married as I said, maybe it's time to make a fresh start, and find someone who is more suited to you.|||Most women complain it's an inbuilt chip! You are correct in looking @ the big issues family etc. She sounds very emotionally immature %26amp; has an un-trusting nature. Even though you've been together nearly 3 yrs she has major trust issues. Now that could all relate back to her family upbringing. No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Having said that she sounds like a 'Drama Queen', making mountains out of mole-hills.
Try to explain that most couples need time with their own individual friends, time together %26amp; time alone. I've been married %26amp; am probably pre-historic in your terminology, but we are not co-joined twins so he goes off on w/end fishing trips %26amp; I go off interstate with my BFF's %26amp; shop. You have to develop what I call the "Selective Deafness Gene". It increasing the longer you're with a partner. LOL.
No you aren't being a bigger whinger - just wondering what the hell all the dramas are about %26amp; whether the grass might be greener %26amp; less moaning with a different girl. Choose wisely %26amp; be happy, if you have never cheated or have the intention of cheating, but can't stand the whinge, moan, nag round about then perhaps this girl isn't "The One" for you? Be forthright, upstanding %26amp; more important listen to your inner voice, follow your gut instinct. I'm not saying this girl can't change but if nothing has in 3 years do you honestly think it will? Take care %26amp; good luck,
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