I don't NORMALLY behave like this with them, and i am not having a stressful time in general. Usual punishments for my children involve a reduction in pocket money when they fail to do ask they are asked. Arguing between them usually involves removal of the activity or object causing the argument. I do find i often start to shout, but i have really been working on NOT shouting. however I do want to maintain disciplin and i am getting so frustrated because the hair clip issue has been going on for over a year and as they cost quite a lot of money (拢3.50, thats $7 for 6 clips which they seem to loose as soon as they wear them, maybe a week before they are all gone) and they should be respecting their things. They don't usually 'loose' them- they take them out and then forget where they put them. They both have a pot in their bedrooms,and there is a box in the kitchen so they have plenty of places they can leave them and whilst it is a petty thing (its not like they are not doing homework, or swearing at school teachers or stealing!) it is still something that needs sorting. However i feel so guilty for smacking them and wondered if this is truly terible or if other parents find themselves behaving like this?How bad was i to hit my children?
It is my opinion that you were very wrong with what you did, but perhaps for different reasons than you are feeling guilty about.
First of all, you "lost control" over this situation. You not only lost control when you grabbed your daughter by her hair, but also smacked both of your girls, and not to mention, over an issue that is otherwise very small and VERY easy to tend to.
The thing is, you never had to take control over this situation at all. When you purchase item(s) for your children, you teach them respect not only for those items, but for the money you had to put into them, by expecting your girls to keep up with them, and put them back where they belong when they are through. When they don't? They failed on their end...and YOU "bailed them out of their responsibility" by taking more responsibility on yourself and purchasing more. Do you think that you teach your girls responsibility by taking on more of your own, or by abusing them when they don't live up to your standard? Do you think that they learn more about "responsibility" in one moment of your losing control over a situation, than they would if you allowed them to simply suffer the consequences of their own actions?
Why are you buying new clips for them? You know that you set a higher standard for your girls by taking yourself out of the equation once you've filled your end of the responsibility as a parent. Leave it to THEM to find them, and let them suffer the natural consequences of not having them one morning if they haven't put them back where they belong. Your part here should be, "I bought you 10 hair-ties last month, and each of those should last you for about a week. I'm not buying hair ties again until March." Then step back...let them gripe, complain and suffer the natural consequences of not keeping up with their things.
Losing all control over yourself and any situation (as you did) is very dangerous...and it will seriously impact your relationship with them as parent/child. I would go to them and "retake" control over the "parenting" piece of this situation and sit down with your girls to let them know that you are sorry for the way that things happened this morning, AND that you should not have struck them (do not make further excuses about all that you have going on, as this is stuff for parents to deal with).
Then, let them know what is going to happen from this point forward with regards to hair ties. Allow EACH of your girls to choose their own special place to keep their OWN hair-ties (even if you have to buy more to get this started). Let them keep where that place is to themselves, as one is likely bickering over the other taking hair-ties, and that's not fair (and it puts you back into an argument). Tell them that you are not going to purchase new hair ties until (set a date, when their should reasonably worn out or broken). They can just go to school with their hair down if they lose them. Once they are clear on what's going to happen, it is up to YOU to stick to your part, of only doing what you've responsibly agreed to do....leave their responsibility to them.
In addition...the next time you feel like laying your hands on one of your children, leave the room. Tell them that you are done with discussion right now, but that you will talk with them again at ______ (give them a specific time, 30 mins to 2 hours later). This gives you time to calm down, collect your thoughts, and return to the situation as the "in charge" parent that you are, and need to be. This gives you time to determine make more appropriate choices, and it won't land you in court with allegations of child abuse. It is a win-win situation.
***Edit***
Please, be careful when listening to people who tell you that you did the right thing here. The truth is, many parents get frustrated (and the mimicking would have put a nail in a coffin for some children, as that is really intolerable and disrespectful)...but that does not change the fact that when a parent strikes a child as you did in such extreme anger, it can lead to horrible consequences. When you get to the point that you were this morning, even from your own description, you have to step back. While everyone can understand your frustration, no one here would want to lose the long term trust and respect of their children by not remaining in control over any situation...nor would they want to land in court fighting for their children. Your state was dangerous...and I've had it myself, many times. With my teen daughter (trust me, worse is to come), I developed an image in my head that strangely calmed me. That image, was of me "flying" across the room (immediately), feet off the ground, and grabbing her by the back of her head (THROUGH her face). Yep...calming technique (and it worked). Find one. Find something. Do not teach your kids to react in anger...it almost always ends in bad, rather than rational decisions.
Good for you. Now learn to temper it and give them a good smack with some self control.How bad was i to hit my children?
its okay they will be okay...small hit doesn't hurt them
i was hitten everyday in my life and im okay
My personal advice would be when you feel like this take yourself away from the situation for 5 minutes(outside or into another room). Then once you are feeling more relaxed and in control of your own emotions decide on a suitable punishment. Suitable punishments for 11 and 12 year olds could be: -verbal discipline, -sent to room for 10 minutes to calm down, -sanction of pocket money, -confiscation of certain toys. However I would advice just to ignore minor misbehavior as this is probably just attention seeking.How bad was i to hit my children?
You aare not wronge at all..... it seems as though your kids dont respect u im not for abusing kids but every child can use a little smack from here and there deffinitly wen there behavior is like that. what i recemend and this is what mi mom does when i constanly lose something shee has to keep buying. she just stops buying it... and if i have money and really want it ican buy it but usually i dont have money to just buy more so i just stop losing them!! which makes everyone happy...... n i dont keep losing things
that is absolutely disgusting!!! you need to go get some help.. it is not normal to hit your children like that!! you are abusive.. my daughter looses her hair clips all the time, they come loose at school and fall out, I dont know where you shop but almost 拢4 for hair clips is expensive, try going to matalan or tesco, asda, sainsburys.. lots of cheap hair stuff in there for around 拢1.50... problem solved, and if a child hasn't brushed their teeth send them to the bathroom to brush them!!! I'm glad you feel guilty!
Well, I don't know much about punishment yet because I have a 7 month-old but you should feel guilty because I don't know why you had to "grab hold of her hair %26amp; drag her to the box" %26amp; "backhanded smack in the back of her head". You couldn't have taken money away? I understand you lost your patience but doing that was not acceptable. Next time find another way to let them know what they did was also not good.
By the way, they are just hair clips. Nothing horrible is going to happen if you lose a hair clip.. Next time, get cheap ones.
Hair clips aren't cheap and no you can't get them for 拢1.50 at Tesco and my nearest Matalan is 15 miles away so add on the cost and time to get there. I don't think it is so much the hair clips that got to you but the very so obvious lack of respect from them that I think is the real problem you say it was a petty thing but reread what you wrote, your 12 year old was mimicking you and your 11 year old was lying those are pretty serious issues, yes you could have handled it better and yes you should feel guilty because you were out of control but you do need to clamp down on their behaviour.
This is the wrong method to parenting. You're sending the message that physical pain is the consequence for misbehavior. This is only acceptable with a slap on the wrist to an infant under 6 months because they cannot yet fathom right from wrong...your children are pre-teen's they obviously know what they are doing. Corporal punishment is not in effect anymore and hasn't been for a very long time so you have no right enforcing it. We all ***** up but you have to learn to control how you act toward's your kid's, otherwise they will grow up resenting you in all honesty, they are all you have. You should value them like you would an expensive vase. You wouldn't go smacking around a precious family heirloom, right? Get your act together, and they will reciprocate.
oh my good god, i hope this is fake! you hit your children over such small things? you clearly are out of control! what are you going to do when they are older and god forbid get a bad grade or come home drunk? beat the shiiiit out of them? you need therapy, anger management classes, and your kids taken away. before it gets worse. if your kids told a teacher child protective services would be involved ASAP.
First, that was out of control and you realize that which is good. Second, they need to be regulary diciplined. Doing alternate punishments like chores(which at that age they should already be doing) or don't by the clips at all and let them suffer. Sentences are good as well. All parents have moments where they just lose control. Its normal and anyone who says they haven't is either lying, or to lax. I have atwo year old (almost three) who just began throwing fits. Yes I fight the urge to give her a spanking after a long loud tantrum. Instead. I make her do timeout or take toys away. And explain why I do what I'm doing. at your childrens ages, they need to learn that actions have reactions. If they lose their clips, they don't have replacements, they should have to work for more of them. And relax. Now you know what you don't want to do. Aviod doing it. Be patient (i know that's hard) and hold your ground.
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