Did I deserve to lose her?

I'll make this as brief as possible.





A year and a half ago I met the woman of my dreams, who I loved and loved me like nothing I've ever felt before.





Things got pretty serious pretty quickly, but she never let it get 'too serious' as I was taking off for a year long volunteer trip in December of 2010 (we met June 2010)





Before I left, I asked her very directly if she would be my girlfriend. Very directly repeatedly, and she repeatedly said 'no'. She said if I made a mistake while traveling, she didn't want it to affect our future. I kept telling her I just wanted a commitment, and she would say if something were to happen, just don't say anything.





The first 2 weeks I was in Europe, we'd talk every night. She would tell me things like she was going out to eat with her platonic male friends, or going camping with another male friend, or even having a male friend visit her and stay at our favorite hotel over Christmas. This really would bother me, and I began to doubt her reasons as to why she insisted on a open relationship. I would tell her nothing was going to happen on my part, but she still wouldn't agree to be my girlfriend until I came home.





A few nights later, I got drunk, kissed a girl, slept in her bed (it was either that or walk home 7 miles in the snow), and woke up feeling terrible. Stupidly, I felt the right thing to do was tell her what happened. I wanted her to know what happened and tell her if we were to continue a relationship, it couldn't be open because the temptation while away coupled with the lack of commitment on her part was difficult for me to handle.





Initially she cried...I did too..and asked if I still loved her. I told her 'Of course'. Things were 'normal' again after a few days.





A month later we had planned for me to fly home for the week to be with each other on Valentines Day. I booked a roundtrip ticket from Europe for the sole purpose of being with her on that day. A couple days before my flight home, with no notice, she told me she 'wasn't ready to see me', 'her father would never mess around with another girl', and 'I failed her test'. I was angered and we argued for the first time in our relationship, and it ended in me coming home to spend it alone in my apartment for a week before flying back out.





The day...mind you...the day I landed in Israel she 'came to her senses' and realized her mistake. She told me she missed me and was an idiot for not coming to see me. I still had 7 months of volunteering left overseas, and wasn't going to see her until then, but stupidly I forgave her and we resumed talking every night





In June...3 months before my volunteering was supposed to end, we mutually decided that the only way this would work..to stop each other from missing each other, would be if I came home early. So I booked a ticket out for July 4th to come see her. My plan was to fly from India to Hawaii (spend 5 days there), and then home to Phoenix.





Upon landing in Hawaii, with 5 days to go, she sent me a Dear John facebook letter that her feelings faded and she met someone new. After weeks of countdowns and heartfelt messages, she sent me this which completely blindsided me.





My initial responsse was shock. She didn't respond to my shock. She waited until I sent her angry messages to tell me that "she didn't react this way when I told her about me kissing another girl". She told me that seeing me the day I landed would have been evil, and she couldn't string me along any further.





This girl, the girl I loved with absolutely all of my heart, has destroyed me. Since this has happened, 7 months ago, there hasnt been an hour thats gone by I havent thought about her.





She had her share of flaws. She was a stripper, she was raped, she was in a physically abusive relationship, she was/is anorexic, she cut herself, she has 9 previous serious boyfriends (she's 25), she had a DUI, she didn't complete college and I'm pretty sure she was bipolar.





But I loved her so much. Did I deserve this for what I did in Amsterdam. Did I deserve this for her failed open relationship test





PS. After getting angry with her and calling her a ***** via text and typing in all caps after the second cancellation, she accused me of not being a good parent one day and implied id hit our future children. Coming from a home where I was beat as a kid this really struck a nerve and lead me to insult her flawed horrible past. I'm pretty sure the bridge is burned but I still love her so much.|||A few things. First, go with what you already know--the girl was cheating on you from the beginning, was bound to cheat on you repeatedly, and no relationship with her would EVER have survived (she will never have a successful relationship). The problem was her, though you must take responsibility for your own actions as well. The two things for which I believe you must ultimately answer are first, that you continually ignored the myriad warning signs which should have told you that trouble was on the way, and second, that you did something you know you shouldn't have (the incident with the other girl). That was "innocent" enough, but if you're truly in love there is no "innocent" involvement with another person that would involve getting drunk and sleeping in that person's bed.





Now to the meat of your question...what you're really asking is "What's wrong with me? Am I worthy? Why would anyone do this to me?"





The answer is two-fold. First, people are people and they're always going to be people. You can expect this kind of thing, or something similar to it, from virtually everyone you meet. It has nothing to do with you. The trick is to choose more wisely. Frankly, you had every opportunity to see this girl for what she was, and you ignored the obvious. In that regard, the fault is wholely yours. Second, you are "people" too. You are flawed as well, and you'll make your share of mistakes. Forgive yourself of both weaknesses, but try to be better in the future. DON'T make the mistake with the drunken sleeping partner. DON'T make the mistake with a future potential "love of your life". You know about people now. Don't pick the kind of girl you just messed with, because nothing good is ever going to come of a relationship with that kind of person except, perhaps, short-term sexual satisfaction (nothing to base a true and complete relationship on).





My last bit of advice is to stop coming to Yahoo for advice. Trust yourself. BE yourself. You have much to contribute, you're a good person, and you don't need someone else telling you these things. You made a relationship mistake, the kind we all make eventually. Move on. Find better. BE better. You have it within you and you don't need someone else pointing all of that out to you. That's vanity or weakness, neither of which benefits you. Listen to your heart and your own gut. That's all you need to do. Be who you are.





Good luck.|||Forget about her and move on with your life.|||keep patient.|||the trouble is her not you..








if i were you i would move on, you seem to be doing very well for ur self and i am sure you can attract such....





good luck|||Not only does you deserve to loose her, she is not a relationship material!





It looks like both of you have issues. You for being not there physically when you are at the dating stage and her for her psychological problems. You needs to be around next time and she needs therapy.





Well to tell you first, find a more decent woman than her! She is not a very good woman for a serious relationship. If you stay with her your life will be filled with sorrow.





Time to step back and think what kind of life you really want. If you die, how would you want to be remembered? How do you like your to have gone? Understand yourself, what you want, what are your values. You seemed to be troubled about yourself.





Man, you might love her but there is more to life than love. Step back and wait till things calm down and think. Don't act when things are all tight and emotional.|||With all the "baggage" that you two "carry" from your respective past(s) It was a poor idea to try and commit to a closer friendship as boyfriend and girlfriend WHEN YOU WERE OVERSEAS AND NOT AROUND TO HONE SUCH A RELATIONSHIP OTHER THAN VIA TEXT AND PHONE CALL.





Seriously dear, "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but ONLY TO A POINT! You two attempted something that was really, quite foolhardy and she had an idea it was but you pushed it.





Now it's over...you claim you still "love" her, but I would submit you two were never around LONG ENOUGH with one another to figure out IF you two COULD BE A REAL COUPLE - you were gone and her life went on (as apparently? Your's did too!). This is life dear...You need to take the lessons learned and NOT repeat them in all respects. There will come a time when you meet another, I guarantee it, but you have some real healing to do FIRST. I kinda doubt you two COULD have made it without a whole long time and possibly real counseling together, for again, you both brought a lot of background "baggage" into the situation that would have continued to challenge you both.





You ask if you "deserve" to be mistreated in a very real sense for what you did...Honey, when it comes to men and women, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE MISTREATED in a very real sense - it JUST HAPPENS, people are HUMAN, imperfect and fall down from time to time - you know that.





Deserve it or not? She has now moved on and YOU, again, must do the same and take the lessons with you on women, relationships and LIFE!





Goodluck...It will all work out as it's meant to and garner your faith here guy and allow yourself to move forward, not backward in your life.





Grace|||That was not brief. But...I have to be honest...with the distance, the past hurts that it seems she has not tried to deal with, the lack of communication...even if she had committed to you, I just don't think this would have ever worked. It is hard enough for two people, without a lengthy past of problems living next to eachother, to make a relationship work. You guys have all the odds against you. And for you to be blaming yourself for the incident with that girl, it ridiculous. She probably was not faithful, or if she was, she was certainly putting herself in bad positions with men, and you guys were not even committed when you "cheated." I say...start over. Move on. There are so many other woman out there, with a lot less drama that will love you unconditionally and you will be able to work on a true relationship.|||ok she sounds like she has ALOT of problems but if you love her then ok... I dont think you did anything wrong she said you might make a mistake on the trip and you did your only human no problem id say you should be mad at her you spent alot of money on plane tickets and planned a vacation and she just says nevermind i met someone thats pretty mean als id just lay all your cards on the table say how you feel what can you lose|||First, that ain't short. Second, it sounds like you are both pretty immature. And Yeah, you deserved to lose her. At the same time, you are better off without her because she sounds like she has a whole range of issues of her own that she need to work out.