We only know each other for SIX months, and she already brought up marriage. And not only that, her grandparents and her parents are demanding marriage too. Now I am not opposed to settling down nor am I afraid of commitment; though I am kinda bummed since I am only 20 years old, but none the less I love her and actually do see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with her. BUT, the only problem I feel like she isn't being herself and that she is hiding her true self.
I want to have more time to know her you know, because she doesnt even know me that weIl since I have asked her basic stuff about me and she doesn't know cause she is always caught up on her own self. Anyways I have thought about it, but right now I am in school for chemical engineering. And honestly, I have a lot of student loans to pay off once I get out of school. I have to find a job, earn some money, get a nice place, and be ready to have a family not just be irresponsibly get married with no means to provide for her - or even kids. Plus, before I met her, I want to travel and stuff after college - but she already wants to have kids. And so, that just made me reconsider what I want to do with my young years, and since she wants kids I guess I have to conform to what she wants.
Anyways, I think she is pushing me to do so much when I am not even ready. One thing I want to point out is, how can I bring a child into this world without me having any means to care for it?! She thinks its all easy to get married, to have kids, and to live happy. But that is because everything has been handed to her. I on the other hand have started working since 15, helping my dad out with the family bills, and honestly it requires so much to provide for a family and I am not anywhere near ready. I have talked to her, but she feels like I am breaking up with her and starts threatening to kill herslef if I ever left her.
On a side note, I am afraid she may also be trying to get herself pregnant primarily because she has been messing with my condoms, and they all seem to break. I have had to go buy Plan B twice, and I suspect she is doing something to them because they never have defects. And she is very furious when I ask her to take the pill. I stopped having sex with her, even though most of my friends tell me to keep on doing it, because I think that is the most responsible thing to do to prevent anything from happening. I don't want to ruin my plans just for 20 minutes of pleasure.
Oh and she wants me to propose this semester. What should I do?|||Ok! You're marriage material, that's her big deal right now. I have been answering questuons for the hobby of it, for younsters just like u! Wishing someone had guided me, when I was younger.
Actually, really you should be jumping ship. I read totally every word to typed. You are talking, your head is in the right place %26amp; ur heart. She's playin you for what, she's learned a guy is suppose to do. That's all fine that she thinks your the,one! However, your too young. Live, life play together, travel get to know, the good, bad, %26amp; ulgy of she and her of you. We all have flaws its being able to handle the flaws. Yeah, you love her, the sex is probably good Hell your 20 hard bodies.
I am proud of your responsibility, %26amp; your parents should be too. Sounds like life's been tough enough for you already. You know the responsibility of family, life %26amp; kid. There will be plenty of time, learn you, what you like what you don't like. How you feel about working supporting you alone.
Also, she has to learn herself, sounds fairy tale to want it so fast. And life ain't no fairy tale, it's what we make it.
She is disceptive %26amp; manipulating you and the situation right now. Stop sex? Child you may want to..... look deeply. You are in school working on a major paying profession. She sees a made bed. What's she bringing to the
table? Then you marry her she's a terrible, manipulating baby momma or GOD forbid ex wife, you'll be paying child support, alimony, student loans %26amp;.....bills. GAME OVER! THAT WILL BE THAT. LIFE IN sum %26amp; total, of course you'll love the kids but I promise she'll run YOU, off... .Put it plain, tell the family to get out of your relationship. And DATE Other people.
She will trap u, skip ya boyz leave that alone sexually...Plus kill herself? If you leave, classic, yeah she may try it, take her seriously, but she needs help, not marriage, marriage will push someone,like her over the edge or drive you crazy trying to keep her from it.
Oh and way too soon, for her to ask, that's how I know she wants a meal ticket.6 months the fake stuff wears off hard to keep the facade going.1 year you can tell where they are going in life or if they are talkers. It takes about two years, before you see, %26amp; know each other their flaws and uf you can deal with the flaws %26amp; she yours. Trust you don't want to create a life or situation you can't send back.
She needs counseling tell her family that...they may wanna hear, where they have put her mind. Love in life. BleSsUp|||Just split up with her cause obviously you don't love her if you don't wanna marry her it doesn't matter if she kills herself|||You're 20, youre too young to get married. Anyways, have a talk with her and tell her youre not ready. Say you just aren't ready to commit yet. Hopefully she understands....|||This is a very unhealthy relationship. You really need to assess what YOU want.
If she can't accept that you are in school, that you have debt, that you are only 20, that you have only known each other for 6 months, and that you aren't ready for kids then there is a serious problem
Tell her that there is no way you are getting married to anyone before you are done with school and have paid off your debt. Tell her you can't even imagine being married or having kids before you are 26 or 27 so she's just going to have to wait around for that long if she wants any chance of getting married.
And do not even think of sleeping with her if you aren't using condoms as it does sound like she's trying to trap you by getting pregnant so you have to marry her. She is looking for someone to support her|||A few points:
- At the age of 20, it's not entirely reasonable to expect that you will know exactly what you want to do with your life. It's very responsible of you to have a good work ethic and a promising career planned, but that's not to say that you need to shoehorn either marriage and/or child-rearing into that future if you don't want.
- It's possible that you are facing pressure from all sides to settle down and start raising a family. I agree with your statement that you should have your education completed, your career started, and a steady income / steady living space established before you can think about marriage or children. The bottom line is this -- it's *your* life, so ultimately you have to make the decision. In 10 years time would you be able to say to yourself, "Well, I was pressured to make my girlfriend and her parents and her grandparents happy, so I agreed to marry her and agreed to let her have my children." ?
So take charge of your life and, while trying to remain diplomatic about everything and polite to your family and relatives, put your education and your career first, if you want to.
Now, as for your girlfriend:
Let's be frank: You think she's hiding her true self -- if I were you I would trust my gut and assume that she *is* trying to hide something. It could be that she's thinking about a chemical engineer and the eventual six-figure salary she can spend half of. Or it could be that she loves you for yourself and wouldn't care if you were a janitor. I won't presume to judge. However, it's your gut feeling -- and you should trust it.
You've known her for six months, and she's talking about marriage. That would be a first major red flag for me. Her parents and grandparents are demanding marriage. Again -- another red flag, especially if they think they can pressure you. Remember -- she's a genetic product of her parents and grandparents, and if their character is poor enough to be trying to pressure a 20-year-old boyfriend of hers to marry her after knowing her for six months, imagine what kind of other flaws you haven't discovered yet. If you hate her family now, imagine how much you'll hate them when they're in-laws.
She threatens to kill herself if you ever left. HUGE red flag there. Master manipulator, that's your girlfriend. Think of it this way -- if you leave her now, at worst she'll kill herself, but at best she'll mope for a few weeks and then get over it. If you leave her after you get married (or if she decides to leave you) her killing herself might not be the worst of it. She could petition a divorce court for half of your income. Is she educated? Does she plan to make as much money as you when she finishes school (if at all)? If not, then marriage is a kind of an unequal partnership when it comes to your money.
You suspect she's trying to get pregnant. There's a saying that's popular these days: "Don't stick your *ick in crazy." This is doubly true if you think a crazy woman wants to get pregnant.
She gets angry when you ask her to go on birth control pills. That coupled with your suspicions about your condoms breaking -- it paints a very ugly picture for me.
Remember, even if you *don't* get married, if she gets pregnant with your child, your decision-making power ends there. She can choose to have an abortion, choose to give it up for adoption, or choose to keep your child. You will have *zero* say in the matter. Also, you'll be up for 18 years of child support, if you separate. That in addition to spousal support if you were married. Some women, if they want a child badly, will have one that isn't even their husband's.
So here's what I would suggest, based on the impression I've formed:
- Break up with her. Cut all ties. Block her emails, block her phone, everything.
- Avoid all contact with her. Not even with a chance of reconciliation, even if she says she's changed.
- Don't believe anything she might say about being pregnant after you break up. She's a manipulator and will try anything.
- If she turns up a few weeks or months from now and obviously *is* pregnant, insist that you want a paternity test and that you'll fight her 100% of the way.
I'll say this: you're lucky to have shared your concerns with us this early. You may have dodged a bullet. The world is replete with reluctant fathers and husbands. You're young, you're intelligent, and you have a future. Make it your future, and in maybe five or six years time, after you've graduated and traveled a bit, you can think about settling down with a pleasant woman. Trust me, if you graduate and get a job in your field, you'll have more women clustered around you than ... oh, than hydrogen atoms around a long-chain hydrocarbon.
Just make sure the women aren't after your money. And be on the watch for crazy.|||Well, she is acting oddly by not taking pills though still wanting sex. has she said she wants a baby? You can not have a baby right now!! You really need to focus on your school and your self. If she is not concerned about you and is tampering with your condoms, and forcing marriage on you... You need to ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. I am a female, and feel that this is a bit ...i hate the word being a professional counselor, but "psycho". Marriage should not be forced, this is the reason that over 50% of marriage end in divorce; people jump into it to quickly. I sense that the two of you do not have the same goals in life and this too is very important in a marriage. Good luck on your decision.|||i know you must obviously love her, but your are only 20 years old and if you're not ready (which you clearly stated) then do not allow yourself to be trapped. messing with your condoms and be resiliant to taking contraceptive measures, regardless of your feelings is manipulative and it appears she is trying to trap you.
I pose you the question: she clearly undermines what you want and is/ or planning to take the initiative to "persued" you into marraige and have children, do you want to marry a women who disregards your opinions on these life changing factors?
your obviously not ready, so i propose you firstly think (and write down if it helps) what you are looking for in a relationship, compare this to your current. Then what you seek out of life before you move onto the next stage if having babies and marraige. Once you know what you want, take to her seriously about how your not ready, voice you concerns and if she reacts negatively or refuses compromise take it as a sign that she doesn't care about what you want and leave her, it will be hard but do you want to make such an imprortant decision of who you want to stay with the rest of your life based on the rose-tinted honeymoon period of a 6 month relationship.
I think you should stash your condoms elsewhere, so she cant tamper with them because any children born at this time may end up being children you may hold (despite loving them etc) a grudge against simply because they have hindered you from living your life.
your a 20 year old college/uni student! you have atleast anouther 5 years before you have to start thinking about this sort of thing, go out and enjoy life while your young enough not to regret it!|||you are way too young to get married. it would be foolish, stupid and unwise.... what's the rush?
maybe she wants kids because she has no aims and sees being mummy as her role in life. you need to be careful that she doesn't spring "i'm pregnant" on you! wear a condom every time.
IF you want to spend your life with her, then tell you that, but tell her you are not ready to get married yet, that you want to graduate, work and travel a bit before you settle down.|||Be honest with her and tell her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her but marriage is way too much as your both so young and u just want to enjoy being her boyfriend until u are both ready.|||Don't do it and never have sex with her without wearing a condom because she might just not use birth control and really want to get pregnant. My aunt was like this. My aunt was 15 years old and she had finished school and did absolutely not want to work.. this was in the 1960's, so a long time ago and she met this 20 year old guy who was in the police force...they did have unprotected sex...a guy has a responsibility as well to make sure ...that no unexpectant pregnancy takes place..so some girls can't take the pill for medical reasons and others don't want to. Nowadays if you are the father of a child even if you don't have to marry the mother, you have to pay alimony for that child until the child is old enough to find a job..you are not in a position to do that so that your parents would have to help out...so don't do it...that's emotional blackmail. My aunt got pregnant and it takes 2 to get pregnant..so it was not just her fault..his as well...they got married she had just turned 16 in April...when they married he had just turned 21...the baby was born in June of 1965, two months after they were married..that was my youngest cousin...and the marriage between my aunt and her husband lasted 2 years then they got a divorce because they were emotionally not ready to be husband and wife and parents at the same time...Later when this cousin grew older, Oliver, he never got married because his parents marriage did not last...He is in a relationship with a woman...he was in a relationship for 6 years with a nice woman before when he was in his late 20's and after 6 years she wanted marriage..and after 6 years she has a right to know if he is going to commit to the relationship or not..and he didn't want to so he let her go because his parents never had this lasting marriage he was unable to commit. Now he has been going steady with a woman..both are in their 40's and she has not asked for marriage, so so far he feels fine in that relationship...they don't live together but he is with her every weekend. He won't commit. I believe after 6 months of dating it's premature to want to get married because you are right, it's very important that you get to know each other really well and find out if you have a similar outlook on life...if you have similar beliefs and if you have things in common and it's important to have mutual trust, mutual respect and you need both of you to be able to talk to each other about anything and everything..(hopes, dreams, fears, ideas, problems) communication is important and if she is holding something back and you feel that, then you don't know her as well as you should know her and you should not marry someone you don't know well enough and you have to have some financial security...otherwise if you still study and she doesn't work...how would you manage to offer her the lifestyle she is accustomed to and is she really willing to live in a small flat if before that she had everything handed to her...eventually she will blame you for not making any money..so I believe you should definitely not marry her..get to know her better..she needs to work or she needs to get an education ..it doesn't work out to just want a husband and a child and then maybe living on special benefits...
Get to know this girl better and be open with each other. If you feel she is not really right for you, then don't continue the relationship and please don't leave the family planning to her ...you have the same responsibility to prevent an unwanted pregnancy..she could tell you she is on the pill and stop it..so you need to use a condom...or if she really wants to get married after just 6 months...I believe that's really premature and you are both very young...she needs to concentrate on some goals for herself and her future apart from wanting to be a wife and a mom..she also needs to have other goals of getting some training or some education or a diploma she can fall back on. You don't have to conform to what she wants..you need to be able to discuss your individual hopes what you want out of this relationship and if those wishes clash with each other then you are wrong for one another and you marry in haste and will regret it..because it could be a loooooong time to be stuck together until you both are maybe 80 years old...x|||I know I will sound rude ; but here the truth . This woman is the [ devil ] She will trap you in a marriage to get a child and leave you with all the bills and you will have to pay a big pension for the child .. Run ; RuN : and RUN away from her and never look back
She is a control freak and you will shed tears ; if you stay in this relation for only another month
But i know you will not believe me
Hope God will you the courage to RUN
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